Top 5 Reasons Why AFL Dream Team Is Destroying Your Life

by Jesse Penfold

Here are the top 5 warning signs AFL Dream Team is ruining the game for you … If you recognise some of these symptoms I feel for you – Dream Team Addiction is just around the corner. Beware!

5. You know what each stat is worth in Dream Team off the top of your head and the number pops into your head whenever your player racks up a score.

However, when you know your opponent’s team and you start seeing numbers when they rack them up as well, you are looking in trouble. Once you’re seeing plays as numbers it’s as good as over for you – goodbye football fan, hello Dream Team Geek. Like the binary nerds before you, you’re reduced to a series of 1s and 0s.

Super Coach users rejoice – you’ll never fall victim to the DT nightmares keeping you awake. That scoring system is harder to work out than the Duckworth/Lewis system – so leave your spanner set at home and get a good night’s rest.

4. Can’t access the Internet? No worries – SMS updates are for you because you can’t go one hour without knowing the scores!

(I am all for it if you only get full time updates, but half time as well is a sign you are well and truly gone).

3. Move over ‘Pagan’s Paddock’ – the greatest tactic in AFL these days in your eyes is when two of your dirty cheap backmen decided to play kick to kick as time winds down.

While everyone else is cursing ‘clock management’, you cheer just a little too loudly and reminding everyone how ‘tempo footy’ is going to keep you in Eliminator for another round.

2. You need anger management – you can admit you’ve punched, thrown or smashed something or someone for any of the following reasons:

– your DT player hand balls when they could kick – your DT player drops a soda of a mark in the clear – your DT player gives away a free – your gun back pocket attracts a tag (hello Heath Shaw) – your DT player gets a free, but advantage is given to another player (in front of goal this may warrant wall punching) – your low scoring back men is not getting involved in the short pass after a point – your player is not getting involved in clock management or “tempo” footy

Finally – the big kahoona…

1. You would prefer to see your team lose if it meant your Dream Team players could rack up a huge score.

Sorry – but this is crossing the line. Not only are you a disgrace to your club, but there is no way coming back from here. Nothing is more un-Australian – it’s time to book yourself some time on the couch, and no I don’t mean with Mike Sheehan (although you might sit next to him in the waiting room…).

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