Young men are told.. “Don’t show your emotions; because this is weak. Only women show their emotions”. So men become “hard” and insensitive, or young men attempt to act “tough” when they’re out in a social environment.
This is far from the truth however, and is a cover for the real problem. Expressing emotions is never weak, it is the emotions themselves that show a weak side. So when someone expresses these sensitive emotions, they are exposed as frail and unsure. But instead of pushing outside their comfort zone, too develop strength and seasoning as men, they choose instead to conceal these emotions, never dealing with them, never growing.
The truth is this, the strongest of men, those most sure and confident in themselves, and most relaxed in any environment they find themselves in, are in reality extremely expressive of their emotions. Being unable to, or stifled in showing emotions, is actually a sign of weakness. When a person feels in control and at ease with their environment, they lose stifledness; they express whatever comes into their heads. And to communicate powerfully, to be able to lead and influences, requires emotional force of will. Think of any great speaker or leader, they used their ability to communicate through emotions to influence.
Research studies have shown that nonverbal makes up almost ALL of communication between humans. 93% to be exact. So anyone who stifles their emotional expressiveness, which is expressed through nonverbal, loses their ability to communicate.
Now what about the strong silent type? Everyone admires these qualities in a man. But these develop from a place of seasoning, and life experience. Having dealt with life, having made his mark, and continuing to take responsibility for everything in his life, whether finances, career, education, or his day to day well-being and that of everyone in his life; a man develops a certain gravity and presence about him. He deals with life issues with calm and stoicism, trusting in his ability to deal with a situation, because he deals with every situation with the same intensity of purpose and focus. But he’s not always like this. As a male who takes charge of his life, and looks out for others, he gives himself permission to stay positive and project this outward. He’s carefree about spreading the good vibes because he knows this is for the best. This is healthy!
Years of tough living give a man perspective on life. 17 years of mixed martial arts, and a short career as a military officer has made me realize that the best thing for the people around me, that look to me for leadership because they trust me, is to lead them into a more positive emotional state, so they feel unstifled and free to express their creativity, giving themselves more of a chance to achieve what they want in life. Most inexperienced men do not understand this, and act from one extreme or the other, acting “tough” or acting just the oppositive; needy and approval-seeking.